Found this on line and had to share it!

MARTHA STEWART VS ME!



Martha's way #1:
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent
ice cream drips.

My way:
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's
sake; you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it
anyway.

*********

Martha's way #2:
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the
potatoes.

My way:
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to
a year.

**********

Martha's way #3:
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the
dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside
of the cake.

My way:
Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.

*********

Martha's way #4:
If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in
a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix
me up."

My way:
If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too darn bad.

My motto:
I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes.

*********

Martha's way #5:
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it
will keep for weeks.

My way:
Celery? Never heard of the stuff.

**********

Martha's way #6:
Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a
beautiful glossy finish.

My way:
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg
whites over the crust and so I don't do it.

*********

Martha's way #7:
Cure for headaches: Take a Lime, cut it in half and rub it on your
forehead. The throbbing will go away.

My way:
Martha, dear, the only reason this works is because you can't rub a
Lime on your forehead without getting lime juice in your eye, and then
the problem isn't the headache anymore, it is because you are now
BLIND!

*********

Martha's way #8:
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for
future use in casseroles and sauces.

My way:
Leftover wine?

*********

Martha's way #9:
If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex dishwashing
gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

My way:
Go ask the very cute neighbor guy next door to do it.

*********

Martha's way #10:
Potatoes will take food stains off your fingers. Just slice and rub
raw potato on the stains and rinse.

My way:
Mashed potatoes will now be replacing the antibacterial soap in the
handy dispenser next to my sink.